I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
- A. Whitney Brown
OK, so my frustration doesn’t exactly run that deep when it comes to something trivial like style. But last week at the gym, I was reminded of one of my biggest pet peeves concerning matters of satire.
I must preface what I am about to write with a reminder about context. I never have a problem with someone because they have chosen a particular style for themselves. But in each particular style, there are – rules is not the right word – standards that should be observed whether your style is classic, urban, preppy, or any other fashion choice.
Most of my pet peeves result from failure to follow the standards in a given style paradigm. Saying “I choose to present myself this way,” and then not doing that appropriately is what gets my blood boiling.
So, in no particular order, here are my top nine most hair-raising:
Same color shirt and tie
The inspiration for this post at the gym came when I saw a fine-looking gentleman getting dressed to head back to work in his business attire. He proceeded to put on a maroon-ish colored shirt with a tie that was an identical match in color and in material – undoubtedly bought together as a set.
A similar combination, albeit in a slightly more offensive color, can be found here for some idea of what I am talking about. The pocket square also gives it that extra little punch of formal obnoxiousness.
For my money, the only time your tie should match your shirt would be if you are attending a white-tie affair. Or unless you are this guy.
Pleats
Full disclosure: I own at least two suits that have pleats in the pants. I must admit this before I go further. These two suits are bought from well-known department stores and, believe it or not, almost a decade into this century, it is still difficult to shop at a department store and find suits that don’t come with pleated pants.
But, perhaps for personal reasons, I can somewhat excuse pleats on a suit because you will always have your jacket covering them. Otherwise, I just can’t stand them.
A perfect example of why is on display in the new May issue of GQ on page 36 in a section they now regularly run called Project Upgrade, where they take an ordinary guy off the street, and using the same style of wardrobe in which they found him, provide him with clothes that fit and look better – for the same price as the clothes he already owns. This month featured a 28-year-old golfer who entered with a pair of pleated khaki pants that looked so insanely wide and inflated, the magazine ran a disclaimer stating that they in no way Photoshopped or altered the picture of him in his pants.
You see, pleats (designed originally to allow more fabric to fit on a narrower piece of clothing) stretch pants out on the sides as well as the front when they are filled, and unnecessary bulge is created. This is certainly not what men want or need. Flat-front pants are cleaner, straighter lines that fit and sit better on a man. A straight line from the hip to the shoe is what should be desired, and pleats tend to distort that with extra weight and material.
Sagging Clothes
Note that this does not read “baggy clothes.” I realize and accept that baggy clothes are an integral part of urban wear and even some casual wear – baggy clothes are not usually acceptable for business attire, but they do have their place.
By sagging clothes, I really mean clothes that are falling off of someone, or pants that are sitting at mid-thigh or shirts that reach the knees – those are saggy clothes.
Is this really what you want people to see as you walk down the street? These people do have dedication to their craft, however, because they constantly must hold their pants with one hand to keep them off the ground.
Baggy can work, and work well. Flaunting your undergarments in public? That will never be in style.
Black With Khaki or Tan
Believe me, I see plenty of this around, especially by golfers and business-casual office workers – so there will be a lot of people that disagree with me here. More specifically, I am speaking about the black belt and shoes with khaki or tan pants.
For me, it’s about consistency. Khaki and tan are obviously part of the brown color family. We’ve all been taught or heard before that brown and black don’t mix, and while there are certain exceptions to that, a very light brown like khaki and a dark black, just don’t seem to be consistent with one another.
There are certainly a variety of opinions about this matter – check out this forum as a good example. But if I am making a list of MY pet peeves, it certainly makes the cut.
Buttoning Every Button on Suit Jacket or Sport Coat
For single-breasted suits, you generally have three options: three button (most common), two button (becoming more popular) and one button (rare). Any more than three buttons and you either don’t know what you’re doing or you are part of the Kings of Comedy tour. Ideally for a suit, you would have a jacket with two buttons. This allows longer lapels, a slimmer cut and more room in the chest.
No matter what type of suit you have, there should never be more than one button clasped on your jacket. Follow these guidelines:
Three Button Suit – only middle button should be clasped
Two Button Suit – top button should be clasped
One Button Suit – not much choice here
Double-breasted suits tend to follow a pattern of only needing to button the top row of buttons, just below the lapel. But please remember to button not only the inner button but also the one on the overlap – lest you have two huge pieces of fabric flowing at your side.
And for God’s sake, please stick with a traditional double-breasted suit at a modest length. Not something like this:
Ties that are too Long or too Short
A few simple guidelines here. This is where a tie should land when it is done properly; right at the middle of the belt buckle:
This tie worn by John McEnroe is definitely too long:
While this one is certainly too short:
And this one by Karl Malone at the 1985 NBA draft is WAY too short. But I certainly won’t be the ones to tell him that:
A few words about shorter ties. It was once, and in some circles still is, considered acceptable for a man to tie his tie shorter, especially if it was with a full Windsor knot. But it was also understood that if that were the case, men would also leave their jackets on and buttoned, thus not revealing the tie’s end. If you follow this philosophy, please always wear a jacket and keep it buttoned.
Jacket Sleeves that are too Long
Conventional wisdom on the dress shirt and jacket combo is that there should be about a half-inch of sleeve that peaks out from under the jacket at any given time. Too often, I see jackets that have obviously been bought straight off the rack and the sleeves that been left at their original length with no alteration. This is a simple clothier tailoring procedure that will cost you a few bucks and will keep you from looking like this…
When you should be looking more like this:
Both pictures taken from the following link:
Perhaps no other detail in a suit jacket lends more to one looking like they do not have a coat that fits than sleeves that are too long or short. Too long? You look much shorter than you already are. Too short? You look like you are holding onto something a little too long when it should have been retired about 25 washes ago.
Athletic Shoes with Everything
What is important to realize about shoes is that they are all made with a specific purpose in mind when they are designed and produced. Boat shoes are made with thoughts that they will be worn on boats and near water, basketball shoes are made to protect ankles and provide comfort during basketball, dress shoes are meant to look elegant with the suit (man’s most prominent clothing), and tennis shoes are made for – want to guess? – tennis!
So unless one is making a habit of playing tennis in their business-casual wear, or going for a run in a suit, the athletic shoes need to be saved for their appropriate time. Believe it or not, there are many-a-pair of comfortable, durable, walk-able shoes that work well with jeans, chinos and other casual clothes that are not an athletic shoe or tennis shoe.
For a more casual, jeans and t-shirt day, the Keds brand is actually beginning to make a comeback to the classic, simple shoes that work with many looks. For a mere $50 you can own the canvas shoe in about eight or nine different colors.
If you are thinking it is more like a jeans and dress shirt day, or a chinos and polo day, try one of the Cole Haan shoes with the Nike Air technology such as the Pinch Penny.
These are built to endure a lot of walking and provide comfort whilst doing so. Knowing that, there shouldn’t be any worries that you have to sacrifice comfort for style when not participating in sports.
So, unless you are a part of the “Coaches vs. Cancer Suits and Sneakers Weekend,” let’s leave the athletic shoes for the playing field and the gym.
Cell Phones Clipped to the Belt
Words can’t do quite the justice that pictures can in this case:
Really? Yes, that last item really does exist and is for sale. Apparently they are trying to attract the crowd that miss their house-arrest ankle monitors.
Seriously, this is why coat pockets were invented, right? To hold things such as cell phones. I recently read an interview with a men’s designer who mentioned that he is now keeping situaitons like this in mind when he designs clothes; making sure that pockets and compartments in jackets and pants are plentiful in anticipation of people wanting to be able to carry their phones and iPods and other gadgets without them being seen.
Keep the phones out of sight.
